Recognizing Grief Stages and Reactions in Children

When a child experiences the loss of a loved one, it is important to understand and recognize the grief stages and reactions they may go through. By understanding these stages, you can better support the child as they navigate through their bereavement journey. The first stage is shock and denial, where the child may have difficulty accepting the reality of the loss. They may seem dazed or numb, and their behaviour may reflect this detachment. It is important to provide a safe space for the child to express their emotions and validate their feelings, while also reassuring them that their reactions are normal.

The second stage is anger, which is a common emotional response to loss. The child may feel a sense of injustice and direct their anger towards themselves, others, or even the person who has passed away. It is important to help the child identify and express their anger in healthy ways, such as through art, writing, or physical activities. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and provide them with outlets for their emotions.

The final stage is acceptance and adjustment. This does not mean that the child forgets about the person who has passed away, but rather that they have reached a point of understanding and peace. They may still experience moments of sadness or longing, but they are able to live their lives fully and adapt to their new reality. It is important to continue offering support and creating opportunities for the child to remember and honour their loved one, while also encouraging them to pursue their own interests and goals.

Some typical behaviours that you may see in children going through bereavement

When children are going through the process of bereavement, they may exhibit a range of typical behaviours as a response to their loss. It is important to understand these behaviours and how to navigate them in order to support the child effectively. One common behaviour is acting out or displaying disruptive behaviour. This can manifest as increased aggression, tantrums, or defiance towards authority figures. For example, a child may become easily irritable or pick fights with their peers at school. This behaviour can be a result of their confusion and frustration at not being able to fully understand or process their emotions.

Another typical behaviour that children may display during bereavement is withdrawal or social isolation. Children who are grieving may withdraw from social situations and activities they once enjoyed. They may lose interest in playing with friends or participating in extracurricular activities. Additionally, they may become more reserved and spend more time alone. For instance, a child who loved playing soccer may suddenly stop attending practices and avoid interacting with their teammates. This behaviour can be a coping mechanism to protect themselves from further emotional pain or because they feel different from their peers.

In addition to acting out and withdrawing, some children going through bereavement may exhibit regressive behaviours. This means that they revert to behaviours they have previously outgrown. For example, a child who has been toilet trained may start wetting the bed again or sucking their thumb. They may also become more dependent on caregivers and seek constant reassurance or comfort. These regressive behaviours can be a way for the child to seek security and support during a time of uncertainty and vulnerability. It is important to be patient and understanding when helping them through this difficult period.

Lesson Summary

When a child experiences the loss of a loved one, it is important to recognize and understand their grief stages and reactions. The stages include:

• Shock and denial: difficulty accepting the loss, seeming dazed or numb
• Anger: feeling a sense of injustice and directing anger towards themselves or others
• Acceptance and adjustment: developing an understanding, but still experiencing moments of sadness or longing

Typical behaviors that children may exhibit during bereavement include:

• Acting out: increased aggression, tantrums, or defiance towards authority figures as a result of confusion and frustration
• Withdrawal or social isolation: losing interest in social situations or activities, becoming more reserved and spending more time alone
• Regressive behaviors: reverting to behaviors they have outgrown, becoming more dependent on caregivers and seeking reassurance or comfort